The Invisible Scars: Recognising Emotional Neglect in Childhood

Today, I want to dive deep into a topic that's often overlooked but can have a profound impact on our lives- childhood emotional neglect. It's a subject that's close to my heart, and I believe it's crucial for us to understand and recognise its signs, not just for our own healing but to break the cycle for future generations.

Emotional neglect is tricky because it's not about what happened to us, but what didn't happen. It's the absence of emotional connection, support, and nurturing that every child needs to thrive. Unlike physical abuse, there are no visible bruises, no tangible evidence of the hurt. This invisibility makes it challenging to identify and address, often leaving us with a vague sense that something was missing in our childhood, but unable to pinpoint exactly what.

So, what does emotional neglect look like? It might be a parent who consistently ignores or dismisses their child's feelings, responding to tears with phrases like "Stop crying" or "You're too sensitive." It could be the absence of affection - no hugs, no "I love you's," no celebration of achievements. Sometimes, it's as subtle as a parent who's physically present but emotionally distant, always distracted, never fully engaged in their child's world.

In my case, it manifested as a mother who was more concerned with herself than with my emotional well-being. My feelings were inconvenient, my needs were burdensome, and my struggles were met with indifference or irritation. I learnt early on that my emotions were not welcome, that I needed to be "strong" and self-reliant, even as a young child.

The effects of this neglect can be far-reaching and long-lasting. As children, we might have felt empty, disconnected, or struggled with identifying and expressing our emotions. We may have believed our feelings weren't important or that we were somehow flawed for having them. This emotional void can create a deep-seated belief that we're unlovable or unworthy of care and attention.

As adults, these childhood experiences can manifest in various ways:

1. Difficulty in forming and maintaining relationships: We might struggle with trust, intimacy, or even recognising healthy relationship dynamics.

2. Struggles with self-esteem and self-worth: That childhood feeling of being "not enough" can persist well into adulthood.

3. Challenges in identifying and expressing emotions: We might feel emotionally numb or struggle to name what we're feeling.

4. A persistent feeling of emptiness or numbness: There's often an underlying sense that something is missing, even when things are going well.

5. Perfectionism or people-pleasing tendencies: We might overcompensate for our perceived unworthiness by trying to be perfect or constantly putting others' needs before our own.

6. Difficulty in self-care: Taking care of our own needs might feel selfish or unnecessary.

7. Struggles with self-discipline: Without having internalised healthy self-regulation, we might find it hard to set and stick to personal goals.

If you're reading this and feeling a sense of recognition, know that you're not alone. Many of us have experienced some form of emotional neglect, often without realising it. The good news is that awareness is the first step towards healing.

Remember, experiencing emotional neglect doesn't define you. It's something that happened to you, not because of you. You have the power to break the cycle and create the emotional connections you deserve.

Healing from emotional neglect is a journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time. Here are some steps that have helped me:

1. Acknowledge your feelings: Start by giving yourself permission to feel. All emotions are valid.

2. Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend.

3. Seek therapy: A good therapist can help you process your experiences and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

4. Learn about emotions: Educate yourself on emotional intelligence and start practicing identifying and expressing your feelings.

5. Set boundaries: Learn to say no and prioritise your own needs and well-being.

6. Connect with others: Build relationships with people who validate and support your emotional experiences.

7. Reparent yourself: Give yourself the love, care, and attention you didn't receive as a child.

Be patient with yourself. Healing isn't linear, and there will be ups and downs. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small it might seem.

To all my fellow survivors out there, I see you. Your experiences matter, and you deserve all the love and emotional support in the world. You are worthy, you are enough, and your feelings are valid and important.

Stay strong, keep healing, and remember – it's never too late to give yourself the emotional nurturing you might have missed as a child. You have the power to rewrite your story and create a life filled with genuine emotional connection and self-love.

With love, understanding, and unwavering support,

Kylie B

P.S. If this resonates with you, please check out my course designed to help you navigate through the journey of healing from a narcissistic mother. Awaken The Phoenix Together, we can heal, grow, and break the cycle of emotional neglect.